


The Arms of the One Who Loves You

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Thicker than Water [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 14:23:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2432033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I love you.  I love you and I fear losing you all the time.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Arms of the One Who Loves You

**Author's Note:**

> This story is told in the **Thicker than Water** universe, where the BAU team members are kids and teens. Thanks to [](http://citymusings.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://citymusings.livejournal.com/)**citymusings** for the prompt of **'Emily missing her mom and Jason comforting her'**. She knew I wanted to write this pairing.

“Dave’s outside with the body bag-mobile.” Hotch said, looking out the window.

“It’s a Chevy Suburban.” JJ said, getting up to look out the window as well.

“Tell me it doesn’t look as if it can carry bodies.”

“He’s in the FBI.” Derek bent down to tie his shoes. “Maybe he throws one in the back every once in a while.”

“Eww.” Penelope shivered. “Not Dave, he’s one of the nice guys.”

“Yeah,” Reid agreed. “He’s like a real live action hero. If there was such a thing as a real life action hero.”

“Dave Rossi as The Intimidator.” JJ started making machine gun noises, pointing her gun shaped fingers around the tiny room.

Hotch laughed, shaking his head. “Jason! Dave is here!”

“OK guys, is everyone ready?” Jason came down the short hallway and into the living room. He did a quick inspection of his troops and found they were dressed for a nice afternoon outing. He frowned a bit at Morgan’s shoes. “Derek, what did you do to them?”

“What?” he looked down at his Chuck Taylors.

“They looked like a dog chewed on them. They’re only a few months old.”

“I play hard.”

“I see that. We have to get you a new pair soon…I’ll start putting some money away. I want you guys to be good with Dave and Erin; it was nice of them to do this for us.”

“If I have to wear this dumb old dress you're not going in sweatpants, Gideon.” JJ said. “It’s not fair.”

“I'm not going.” He replied.

That led to a series of moans and groans. Jason held up his hand to stem the tide.

“What's wrong?” Spencer asked.

“Emily’s not doing so well. She shouldn’t be alone.”

“Is she sick?” Hotch asked.

“It’s her first Mother’s Day without her mom.” Derek said. “I tried to talk to her earlier but I didn’t get anywhere. She doesn’t even know how to feel.”

“Exactly.” Jason nodded. “I think the last thing she needs today is an outing; she just needs a little time. Especially since Emily and Erin are not the best of friends.”

“I feel a little ‘not knowing how to feel’ coming on too.” JJ clutched her stomach.

“I want you to be good.” Jason playfully pulled one of her blond plaits. “Its gonna be a great afternoon. You guys get downstairs before Erin and Dave start to worry.”

They all nodded, gathering up their stuff. Hotch asked if they should bring him some food back.

“I'm fine, it’s OK. Maybe bring Emily a piece of pie or something…it might go a little way in making her feel better. Hotch is in charge today guys, listen to him and be good.”

“Why does he get to be in charge?” Morgan asked. “When can I be in charge?”

“I'm in charge because I'm the oldest.” Hotch replied.

“That’s age discrimination. Gideon that is total age discrimination. We need to discuss this at the next family meeting.”

“Will do.” Jason smiled. “Go now, and have fun.”

Everyone waved as they filed out the door. Spencer ran back in, giving Jason a big hug. The older boy rustled his brown hair. Then he crouched down in front of him, straightening his little tie.

“I don’t want you worrying about me; I'm fine. I want you to have a good day. Promise me?”

“I promise.” he said, hugging Jason once more before running to catch up with the gang.

Spencer pulled the door closed and Jason walked over to lock it. Emily was still holed up in his room. She didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, and that included him. He really wanted to find a way to open her up. Perhaps a cup of tea might help.

000

“We’re two short.” Morgan said as they all climbed into the oversized SUV.

“Who and who?” Dave asked from the driver’s seat.

“Jason and Emily.” Hotch answered, making sure Penelope and Spencer were strapped in before he put on his own seatbelt.

“Where are they?” Erin asked.

He didn’t like talking to her and Morgan knew it so he picked up the slack.

“She’s not feeling so hot so he’s staying home with her.”

“She’s not feeling so hot? She’s 15 years old and she needs a babysitter? We’re going out and they’re staying behind?” Erin laughed. “I didn’t fall off a turnip truck just yesterday…this is so not going to happen.”

“Erin…”

“What? C'mon, sick? I'm going up there.” she took off her seatbelt and opened the car door.

“It’s her first Mother’s Day without her mom.” JJ said. “Geez, give her a damn break, would you?”

The words stopped Erin in her tracks. She literally stopped cold.

“JJ!” Hotch warned.

“What? Today sucks for a lot of us but I'm not going to let her go up there and hassle Emily. She’s really hurting…just leave her alone.”

Erin looked in the backseat at the kids and then looked at Dave. His face was unreadable. She sighed.

“I need to check on Jason.” She said.

“Check on Jason.” He replied.

She got out of the car and headed up the stairs. She had a key to the front entrance but not to the apartment; that had been the deal. Dave turned around and looked at the kids.

“She’s having a tough day, huh?” he asked.

“We honestly don’t know.” Derek said. “She hasn’t been in the most talkative mood for a few days now.”

“Did Jason get through to her?”

“If anyone can, he can.” Hotch said. “It’s not cool that she’s going up there.”

“She’s concerned, Aaron.” Rossi replied.

“About what? She doesn’t even like Emily.”

“I can't say how she feels about Emily but we can never argue that she loves Jason.”

“Can I sit in the front seat?” Penelope asked. She and Spencer were sitting together in the third row of seats.

“Well Penelope, Erin is sitting in the front seat.” Rossi said.

“Oh.”

They were all quiet for a while. Soon Erin would be back and they could get this excursion started. There was already too much tension; Hotch felt as if he was trapped in a tuna can.

“Are you sure I can't sit in the front seat?” Penelope asked again.

JJ and Morgan snickered, so did Dave.

“Maybe we can try it on the way back.” He said.

“Sweet.”

Erin came down the steps and got back into the car. She looked at Dave.

“We ready to roll?” he asked.

“Yes.” She nodded.

“Lock and load guys, everyone buckle up.”

***

Jason tapped on his own bedroom door and then walked in. Emily was lying curled up in his bed. She didn’t seem to be sleeping but she also wasn’t crying anymore. He put the teacup and saucer down on the nightstand, sitting on the edge of the bed. Then he gently stroked her raven hair.

“I brought you some tea.” He whispered.

“I don’t want it.” She sniffed.

“You need to drink it. You probably need to eat but I won't force food on you right now.”

“I just want to lie here.”

“Lie here and what?”

“What do you mean?” Emily turned on her back and looked at him.

Damn, she was beautiful even when she was sad. Jason tenderly touched her cheek; she reached up and took his hand. He closed his eyes when she ran her lips over his knuckles. This was not about him; he couldn’t make it about him. She was the priority right now.

“You can't just lie here all day. It’s a beautiful day outside…I think we should go for a walk. Well, I think you should drink your tea and then we’ll go for a walk.”

“I’ll drink the tea.” Emily said.

“Good.”

Jason smiled as he pulled her up into a sitting position. He only had two pillows but he did his best to prop and primp them so she would be comfortable resting against the headboard. He didn’t think he did the best job but Emily didn’t complain. She put the saucer in her lap.

“What do you miss most about your mom, Jason?”

“I miss everything. I miss her smile, her smell, the way her curls fell down her shoulders. I miss her laugh and her hugs. I miss seeing her and my dad love each other. They were so in love; even as a little boy I knew that. I meant everything to them…they tried to have at least one other child but couldn’t. They protected me like Kodiak bears would a cub but I couldn’t protect them that night.”

“You were just a little boy.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I was sound asleep in my bed and I woke up and the whole world was different.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Why don’t you tell me about it? I think you need to talk. Just say whatever is on your mind; I just want to listen. I won't even talk, I’ll just listen.”

Emily took a deep breath, sipping her tea. She looked at Jason and saw the concern in his eyes. Was it love? She wanted it to be more than anything. Emily was sure he couldn’t possible feel about her like she did him. Her love for him was immense and intense.

Jason Gideon was enigmatic…it wasn’t often she could read his face. She knew he spent four years in a boys’ home. Surely it wasn’t the kind of place where you wanted to be spitting out feelings all the time. He had to become a man too soon and a father almost sooner than that.

Not only did he keep every single one of them safe, he taught them, nurtured them, disciplined them, and loved them. In some of their cases, Jason had done more than their parents ever did. He did it without a second thought. Emily wondered just how much he gave up for their lives to have just a tiny bit of normalcy.

“I want to think my parents loved me. Every kid wants to think that because if we don’t God knows what happens to us. Fathers are…I don't know,” she shrugged. “A lot of kids don’t have dads and they're OK. It doesn’t make it right but it’s the truth.

“Mothers carry us in their wombs; love us before we’re even real people. It doesn’t make sense not to love your mother. I loved my mother…I tried to. She was so beautiful and smart and successful. Everyone wanted to be around her and experience her. She could command a whole room full of such important people.

“And when she carried me on her hip or by her side, I was just in awe of her too. I used to watch her get dressed when I was really young…it was like she was putting on her armor. There were so many beautiful dresses and makeup; it was like a wonderland. And my father would come in and sweep her off her feet for some party or something. They were amazing.

“But I didn’t know them. I thought I had time to get to know them but I didn’t. And after…after Andorra and what my Uncle did to me they moved even further away. I needed them the most and they didn’t even try. Well, I don't know, maybe they tried but they didn’t try very hard. I deserved better.”

“Yes, you did. But losing them still had to hurt.” Jason said.

“I don’t feel anything. Did you know I didn’t even cry.” Emily rolled her eyes. “Of course you didn’t know; you didn’t know me then. I didn’t cry. I remember being called into the headmistress’ office and they told me.

“I was in shock…that kind of thing only happened on the news. I guess I never thought they could be in danger. Then it was just another day, another day, and another day. They're buried here in DC. Maybe that’s why I came here; to be closer in death then we ever were in life.”

“Have you ever visited their graves?” Jason asked.

“No.” Emily shook her head. “They're buried together at Glenwood Cemetery. I've thought about going but…”

“We can go today.”

“No.” She shook her head again, drinking her tea. “I'm just not ready, Jason. I don’t know what I want. Do I wish my parents were alive? I don't even know. I’ll probably burn in hell for saying something like that, huh?”

“You're allowed to have your feelings.”

“You guys want your parents back more than anything. JJ, Penelope, and Spencer miss their parents so much. Morgan didn’t just lose his parents but his sisters as well. Hotch…I'm still getting to know him but he shouldn’t have been abandoned so young. And you…”

“What about me?”

“I love you. I love you and I fear losing you all the time.”

“You're not going to lose me.” Jason caressed her face. “We love you too and we’re going to stick together because that’s what family does. It happened; we all suffered tragedy. Each of our stories are a horror to us…some are just a horror.

“Yet in the middle of that quicksand, we found each other. Despite everything, when I say my prayers at night, I thank God and my mom and dad for bringing me you guys. I’ll never be alone again. You’re not alone anymore.”

“That’s what I mean.” She replied.

“What? You mean what?”

“I feel such immense guilt that I can be happy here. I'm 15 years old and I don’t truly remember being happy until I came to live with you guys. I have sisters and brothers and even chores, and I'm happy. You make me happy, Jason.”

“I'm always going to be here for all of you.”

“I'm not just talking about that.”

“I know.” He barely whispered. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t know what to say. His feelings were all bunched up and knotted throughout his nerves. Sometimes he felt like they were going to overwhelm him, make him drown in his own self-doubt.

He’d never experienced anything like this before and now was both the right and the wrong time. Jason wasn’t like normal 17 year olds. He couldn’t run off and chase the feelings. He had to repress them…there were more serious things to take care of. And the fact that the object of his affection was right beside him, sharing his bathroom, his car, and his life, scared him to death.

His passionate thoughts made him nervous and his dirty thoughts made him scared. Dave said it was normal, all boys thought that way. It shouldn’t be repressed or demonized because that’s when the real trouble started. It wasn’t something he could freely express either. Emily was young and had been through hell.

That was the simple part. The hard part was she was a member of their family. Their family did not need to be torn apart by “divorce”. Where would she go if this thing went wrong? How would he handle it if another came to claim her affection? Just thinking about it made Jason’s stomach hurt.

Emily put the nearly empty cup back on the nightstand and leaned her forehead on his shoulder.

“One day you'll believe me.” She whispered, kissing him there.

“I believe you.” Jason wrapped his arms around her and held on. He wanted to say it. He wanted to say it so bad that he almost did. But he couldn’t. It wasn’t the same as saying it to Penelope and Spencer at bedtime.

It wasn’t the same as the random hugs from JJ that he knew meant it. It surely wasn’t the same as the pounds from Morgan or the looks from Hotch as they all grew into men and knew they felt it but damn sure weren't going to express it verbally. This was something else altogether. After all she’d been through Emily deserved it. But after all he’d been through, Jason couldn’t give it yet.

“Do you?” She slipped her arms around his neck, held him close to her. The room was so quiet she could hear Jason’s heartbeat thumping.

“Yes.” He nodded.

“But you can't say it?”

“Emily…”

“You don’t feel the same way.”

“You know that’s not true. I don’t think we should be talking about this right now. I don’t want our whole lives to become this. We’re too young, and there are more things to focus on. Our feelings won't change. We have time for this…now is not the time.”

“I think you're wrong.” She said.

“I know that.” Jason managed a smile.

Emily kissed him softly. She did it again and again until Jason pulled her close and deepened the kiss. When she leaned back on the bed, Jason moved with her. The kisses were intense and they held each other close. Jason’s mouth moved away from her lips and over her earlobe and her neck. Emily moaned, running her hands through his curly hair. She brought his lips back to hers, smiling as his tongue moved with hers.

Jason felt like he was floating on air. He always did when they kissed. It wasn’t very often; distance was a good thing. Not that you could get much distance in a two bedroom apartment but he thought he did a pretty good job.

He was doing a bad job right now. He was doing a very, very bad job. But it was so hard to stop. Emily wanted to be kissed as much as he wanted to kiss her.

“We should stop.” She pulled away with more strength than she thought she had. Caressing his face, Emily placed a soft kiss on his temple.

“That’s usually my line.” Jason quipped.

“I know. Look at me being the mature one today.”

He smiled again, kissing her nose. They held onto to each other for a little while but then Emily climbed off the bed. She knew if she stayed any longer something might happen. She ached so much to be touched by him; to touch him in return. That wasn’t quite what either of them needed right now no matter what they felt in their hearts.

“A walk sounds good.” She said, going to the door.

“OK.” Jason nodded. “I’ll change into something presentable and we’ll head out. Since the gang went out to eat without us we’ll get some lunch and just take in the city.”

“Yeah.” She smiled and turned to leave. Emily came back in a few minutes. “Thanks Jason, for everything. I don't know what I’d do if I didn’t have you guys in my life. There's still so much I have to get through but I know I’ll be able to with my family.”

“Damn straight.”

Emily nodded and walked out of the room. Jason fell forward on the bed, his face in the pillow. It smelled like her, she loved Heaven by Gap and he loved it now too. His pillows would smell like Emily for a few days until he finally lugged the sheets and towels to the Laundromat.

He knew he needed to get up, put on some clothes for their outing. Jason needed just a few more minutes and then he would be ready to face the world. He would be ready to face Emily. His heart would always be in the right place. He just had to keep everything else there as well.

***

  



End file.
